Working out your cool-down play routine!
After finding myself in a burnout heap at the end of the last Easter holidays I asked myself, was this inevitable or preventable? Can we use play as a strategy to divert from reaching burnout status.
I know burnout is probably an overused term, but I think it's a good one. There is no feeling like it. Nothing left in the tank. Patience hanging by a delicate thread. Irritable. Exhausted. Feeling like everything you try to do is done with a gale-force wind blowing you back.
Ugh. It's ugly. And my friends, this is me pretty much at the end of most school holidays.
It would be easy to glance across at my social media, see my focus and activity on play, infatuation with cheery colours, and generally dressing like an enthusiastic Care Bear and make lots of assumptions about how I feel about long periods of time with the family - the best days of my life? Some of them for sure. Memory making special times? Yes always. But times when I, personally, as in the core essence of Emmaness thrives? No. Very much not.
I found the last Easter stretch a really tough one. It seemed to stretch out forever, and my pace faltered quite early on. It was a juggly work one which, post-pandemic, also seems to set off some sort of lockdown PTSD when I try to work in the office, feeling waves of guilt as I tune into the sounds of fun and/or chaos on the other side of the door and a triggering frustration of losing my concentration when a small person bounds in asking for an ice-cream (usually by 10.20am). I made a vital error in this school holiday of not activating the right 'cool-down routine' for me, and as a consequence, by the end of it, I did reach the opposing burn-out status. I felt like a shell of an Emma, and it took me days to recover because I bounced back into work until it inevitably bounced me right back out, and I had to lie in the garden for a day before I could move forward with life.
It got me thinking about this idea of the cool-down. Ok fine, I was using an online dictionary to help me find opposite terms to burnout, and this was as good as I got (I have an A* English GCSE I'll have you know). I was looking to describe an opposite state, but I think actually, this is more of a preventative measure. I wondered, as all good researchers and analysts can't help but do - could I have prevented the puddle on the floor I became? And I think, yes, I could have, with a bit more foresight and more understanding of the cool-down I required.
So what is this bloody cool-down I keep mentioning? So think of your cool-down routine as the water you keep pouring onto something that is getting hotter and hotter that you can't fully put out, but you need to get it under control. Your cool-down routine is particularly for times when you're out of routine or under pressure, I think it's different from how you might keep yourself buoyant in everyday life. My cool-down routine critically involves having solitude or privacy. This is what I observed led to me feeling a full-on whack of burnout. I love socializing, but I feel wiped after doing it. I learned that privacy is one of the core mental health needs, which was such a great learning because it makes a lot of sense and is something that can be hard to access when you have a young child who might sleep with you, go to the toilet with you, and relentlessly seek out your attention! I could have built in more cool-down time by leaving the house and even building in some childcare to have a full day off work and kids - I think giving yourself a day off in the holidays is a radically wonderful idea (if you have the resources to make it happen). I also have high creative needs - if I don't get to use my creativity in interesting ways and feel intellectually stimulated, my soul crumples a bit. So as part of my cool-down, I could have set myself a writing project for fun, and I could have carved out some protected time to go for a couple of long walks, which is where I do most of my ideating and daydreaming.
I think the point I'm trying to make is that I see play-based activities a bit like vitamins or food; you need to pick the ones you're deficient in to keep you strong and resilient. And when it comes to those moments in your day, week, month, or year where you know you're going to heat up to unsustainable levels, then knowing your cool-down strategy and planning for it can help the fun flow more. Breaks are important; they are not a luxury or even something that should be earned by getting there when you are finally wheezing over some kind of imaginary finish line. In fact, I wonder if how we think of breaks in adulthood, from the purpose of recovery after an event, is misleading. The more I learn about play and its potential on who we are and how we move through life, the more I think we need to balance out the idea of breaks as much as preventive breaks as they are for recovery.
Let me know in the comments if this resonated with you and if you recognise the need for 'cool-down' strategies in particularly draining times. I would love to hear if there are certain activities you shift to and need in these times that help you stay cool and resilient.
Welcome to Expert Corner! This month I asked…
How do you see play evolving in the future?
“I am concerned it will be restricted to virtual play! I am not against video games, AR or anything screen-based but it’s 100% not the same experience as going on swings in a playground, getting creative with Lego or playing Monopoly with friends.
It’s also infuriating to see how little respect ‘play’ is given in the curriculum. Especially when children hit secondary school. It’s reserved for after-school activities - if you are lucky or privileged - when really it should be the model for learning as it makes it easy! This is anecdotal but I can’t remember most of the history I learnt at school or even the plot of a book I read a month ago but I can easily remember my times tables because I was taught it by a teacher who made us sing them!! That’s what play does, so it must be nurtured.”
Propagating, but make it cute!
When you reach peak plant nerdiness you might want to get into propagating, or as I call it ‘free plants’. But as always let's make it playful and aesthetic right?! I love these propagating stations, they make a great wall feature and you can get them in lots of sizes and styles. Mine always makes me smile and I am looking forward to some plant babies!
I stumbled across these and ordered 2 on the spot! I love the colours and shape and we’ve used them for the usual stool needs but also for obstacle courses and taking into the garden. They look so fun and joyful.
Yay, season 5 is here! One of my favourite shows to watch with my pre teens. I love getting a close up look at the contestants' relationship with creativity and the transformations are always amazing. I’ve always tried to introduce make-up like art and a form of playful creativity and I think show really supports that way of thinking.
I binged the podcast series, The Witch Trials of JK Rowling and thought it was so well put together, considered and balanced. Harry Potter has been a massive point of connection in our family and when the media storm kicked off about JK Rowling’s comments and her subsequent cancelling I have to say I didn’t really manage to understand it all. This deep dive was hugely informative and very thought provoking and I found it really helpful and illuminating to form my own point of view and build empathy with all parties involved.
I’m excited to go and check out the Miffy pop up show this month as I venture up to London. It’s around until July and if you love Miffy it looks like a must visit! Can't wait to step out of real life and get immersed in cuteness!
Over on the People Who Play podcast, along with the usual family chat from me and Ben, we have some exciting guests coming up!
Izzy AKA Wolfy is the National Director of Flying Seagulls, a charity on a playful mission. Izzy will be joining me to talk about their mission to make a happy and playful childhood a right for all, not a luxury for some!
I will also be joined by Anna Jackson who is a Personal Stylist and known on the ‘gram as @alwaysafashionparade We’ll be chatting all things colourful, pattern-filled, fun fashion! Join us for some Summer inspiration ☀️🌈
If you want to listen to more playful chat, I recently collaborated on the Let’s Talk Toddlers podcast with LEGO. It was amazing to sit down with such awesome people to talk about my favourite topic!!
Thanks for reading this month’s Playful Den Newsletter! Make sure you subscribe to get monthly updates from me. Stay playful!
Emma x