Witnessing war whilst carrying on with life
This is the weirdest, most horrible time. Why don't we stop?
When people talk about the COVID-19 pandemic they often use a shared description - ‘the world stopped’. And it really did. People stopped going to work unless they were told they were ‘key’ (I was not key and I am still unpacking that. I feel a strong yearning to add more value to the world, but perhaps that’s a post for another day). Everything during that time was still. There were no cars on the roads. Rivers that were polluted became clean. People were glued to their screens for news and for escapism as we were told what was happening was important, scary, critical - a threat to humanity. A threat that could be managed if we all just stopped, just did our bit, bought in experts and tried everything we could to keep this thing from getting out of hand. The world did a massive rain check on, literally everything, until that virus was driven out.
So who decides when we stop as a planet? How does that happen? When something is deemed to be so serious, who is it that says - yeah this is about all of us now, this is not country to country, this is human to human. Let’s pause. Together. Who calls it that humanity is so deeply under threat we must stop everything else and focus on fixing the things that only matter in this moment?
The government?
The WHO?
The people?
The scientists?
The press?
A combination of them all?
I am not sure. But I wish it would happen more often. I don’t wish to ever go back into a lockdown, or be controlled by the state, but that high level recognition that something so horrible is happening, that we won’t accept at a humanitarian level until is fixed I would certainly be open to.
Especially now.
Like everyone else, I am witnessing some of the most abdominal atrocities to have unfolded in my life. They’re right there, on the screen in my pocket. And in those powerless moments of watching on in horror, I want to put my hands through the screen and pull children out of the chaos and into safety. I crave that collective stop button.
Gaza. Ukraine. Congo. Yemen. I just did a quick search to see how many active wars are happening right now and there were some I’ve never even heard of.
How fortunate must I be, that these things don’t even reach me?
I can’t stop thinking - why aren’t we stopping now? Why does life go on now, when it didn’t then? Why is a virus, yes, granted, one that carries a threat to be addressed, make us stop everything, and yet when entire populations are being devastated, when lands are taken away from peacefully existing families, we carry on?
Who decides which humanitarian threat is worth the stop button and which is not?
In one of those conversations where you’re trying to make sense of something massive whilst having the realisation (again) that the world is run by dark forces, and you know so little about, I wonder out loud - ‘I don’t get how you’re allowed to bomb another country, how is it possible that we live in that world when you can just do that?’
‘You can’t just do that’ he replies, ‘there are international laws. There are war crimes’.
Ah yes. War crimes. Something I feel like I’ve learned more about the last few years than ever before. It’s an area I’m still confused about, owing to the fact that we’ve never had more documented evidence of them being committed, but I’ve never seen more carried out. Where is the repercussion? What even are the consequences? Who does that? Where is the stop button? Why does that stop button work for covid but not now for these wars?
Perhaps I sound like an idiot. You may consider me uneducated of all the layers and ‘complications’. I have no side. I am beyond sides. I believe everyone is entitled to exist peacefully in this world, and I believe we have enough talent, intelligence, creativity and imagination to make that happen.
It’s power I am most fearful of. It’s scarier than any weapon.
I glance at the screens; white, old men sitting down to discuss their important decisions in suits. I can’t help but wonder, would we arrive at these same disasters, if a different mix of people were at the end of these decisions? Do these horrendous things always come down to literally a handful of people in suits pulling the strings?
That thought makes me feel queasy.
Whatever their history, fear, loyalty to their people, I will never understand a man’s ability to take his power and use it to take away innocent life. Whatever side he’s on.
I’m an empath, I have an open mind, I do not find it difficult to understand people’s context and actions, but this one I do. I can’t get there.
You can call me ageisit, or say that I’m being overly dismissive of all men, or don’t understand the nuances of history, but I’m confident to declare that I like my older male leaders out the picture to be honest. I want to see more protectors of power proactively ushering in a new generation of leadership, bringing in women to take the mantle, embracing change and fresh thinking, disentangling from personal agendas, real people representing real people. Those old male power seekers need to step aside and go work on their garden or something. I’ve seen enough men claw to power all the way beyond their retirement years, until they’re at the foot of their death bed, to know that this is not good for the world. A person who craves a lifetime of power who at no point wants to step aside for some play…is dangerous.
If I zoom out and look at the tiny spec on this earth that is me, I can reveal I’m at a point in my small insignificant life, where I find myself in a great place. I’m enjoying a period of creativity and have an intense feeling gratitude for where I’m at physically and emotionally. I’ve been waiting and working a long time to get here. And here I am. Things worked out.
And yet…it all feels futile.
Everything feels off.
I am not a religious person, but I do believe in the deep connection between nature and people. I don’t believe that all those souls could be wiped out, for it not to be felt everywhere, for it not to seep into our connected atmosphere and rest on all our shoulders. Every child of this generation is either in a war, or witnessing a war. That is the energy we’re living amongst. It’s stifling. And yet, on we go.
It’s the most alien of feelings.
I find myself keeping a distance from social media. I’m not a public activist. And I’m ok if people think that is selfish and cold. I think there is a skill in public activism, and this arena I chose to be a follower not a leader, someone who supports authentic, informed voices and who listens to their advice on what to do in the real world. I have good conversations with my kids, donate, talk to people at my local marches who are personally caught up in this and put my name to petitions. Speaking out seems to have been given a higher value than listening. I think that’s part of our problem with the world today to be honest.
But even when I up skill myself on history, religion and the plight of certain groups with some level of intelligence and critical thinking, I still feel like there is so much I can’t quite grasp. I’m back to power again. It’s the psychology underneath it that I can’t get from history, this is a today mindset influenced by tomorrow and I can’t get a good enough of understanding of it. I don’t think I ever will.
I’m sorry this is not an uplifting or inspiration post about play landing in your inbox today. But I had to write something about how going about everyday life right now is really fucking weird. That’s probably the only thing I really do understand right now, because it travels around with me in the pit of my stomach every day and despite doing the things to try and help that are within my power to do, that power in comparison to what I’m witnessing, feels like a tiny droplet of water being tossed onto a raging fire engulfing the whole planet. We need to push that stop button, this is a raging disease, it is spreading to us all in the form of horror, sorrow and grief. I just don’t know how that stop button works or who holds it.
I couldn't agree more with this. And you are right, it is stifling. The world makes so little sense at the moment and it is terrifying that those that hold the 'power' to stop things, often seem to turn a blind eye. It seems such a juxtaposition to be planning Christmas, planning nice things for our children and feeling excited and then remembering what so many children are experiencing right now. It's just heartbreaking x
I agree whole heartedly with all you write. I cannot understand the place the world is in right now and it hurts to feel we are helpless. How can enough people not feel the same and make some BIG changes???