Hi playmates!
Here we are nearly at the end of March. This is the first newsletter I’ve sent out this year - welcome! I’m trying a new format which means you can add comments and join the conversation so get stuck in down there! On the topic of trying new things, it’s been a whole few months of doing just that this year so far, across work and play, and I must note how it’s really had a positive influence on how I feel.
Confidence and resilience are buzz word qualities that are highly desirable in today’s noisy and turbulent world. But they are not always easy to learn, they are not plug in and go characteristics, but more like rewards we get back from our experiences. How we react and respond in different situations gets stitched into our tapestry of experience. We acquire different information about ourselves in situations that are familiar and comfortable, where we are experts versus moments that are new and unknown, where we adopt the role of the amateur. I believe trying new things is one of the important facets of connecting to the self and a key driver of building confidence and resilience. Having a go at something in the role of an amateur, where we are learning something new is more conducive to getting into play… even if it might not be always be fun at first.
Ben and I have started play-dating. We have committed to trying to complete 40 play dates before I turn 40 next year. During the pandemic and third child combo our relationship was not always top of the priority list and we wanted to flip that this year and invest in us. When we are in play, we are our most authentic, I think this is important work in keeping a healthy long term relationship, to continue to see one another's authentic self, so we’re diving in to see how it changes us.
So far we’ve been to an improv class together and returned (slightly dizzy) from an aerial yoga session. Just two play dates in and it is already having a marked impact on how we communicate. We’ve had some really deep and interesting conversations off the back of the play dates and of course, a lot of fun.
When we try something new, and step into the role of being the student, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. And being comfortable with vulnerability can unlock relationships with people close to us and even those in a more distant orbit.
This got me thinking about how trying new things is perceived in our culture - have we become a society that favours expertise? Not to say experts aren’t important - if you’re having eye surgery, you’re going to want an eye expert hovering above you. Our focus on expertise starts in childhood, as we swoop in and sign kids up to certain activities to desperately hone certain skills and constantly ask them what they want to be when they grow up even though they’re basically a six year old. Has this cultural obsession with sticking with what we’re good at and even what we love, meant that we’ve distracted ourselves from the value and richness of continuing to try out newness? Because where sticking at things, grit and discipline are held up as trophy characteristics, the tryer and variety seeker is not so newsworthy. We absolutely love a good story of personal suffering, where someone overcomes all the odds, pushes themselves to the limit to hone a particular skill and come out with a sporting medal or other accolade. We can’t get enough of those! So inspiring we cry! Fickleness, on the other hand is deemed a terrible trait - no one wants a fickle child! Quick, repair them with a tennis scholarship immediately! And though if my son told me he was quitting skateboarding or my daughter was hanging up her dance shoes a pang would tear through my heart, if it was in pursuit of something else that bought them joy and moved their bodies I’d shake my cheerleader pompoms loud and proud and be with them all the way. Sometimes we hone expertise for life, sometimes they become a stepping stone to where we want to go but didn’t realise before we took that step.
So yes, resilience and confidence are absolutely learned from sticking at something, but I would argue the case that trying new things and prioritising variety does the same job, just differently. I believe this to be true particularly in adulthood, as the responsibilities of life get bigger and our free time gets smaller, it’s easy to lean on comfort and familiarity. We do things we’re good at, because it makes us feel good. But perhaps to reap the most value from play in adulthood, we need to go through a bit of pain first; awkwardness and getting out of our comfort zone. This path to fun is more tricky but full of fruity rewards. Because as I hung upside down in that cocoon, and as I acted out a scene as Roy’s daughter, who I’d just met 10 minutes ago in an improv class, I felt a bit awkward. I felt a bit of a fool to be honest. But the person who is comfortable with being the fool is also the person who is comfortable with vulnerability, and I want that. I want to be the person brave enough to cross the threshold from fool to fun and take away those big rewards.
So I’m calling it, trying new things is the new sticking at things.
Tell me your thoughts on trying new things versus sticking at them. Do you have a preference or a balance between the two, get involved in the comments below!
Updates!
The podcast is back! New episodes from Emma and Ben are on their way for your listening ears, catch up wherever you get your pods!
New to the blog this month:
Toddler-Philosophy. How Small Kids Teach Us Big Lessons about Living Fulfilled Lives
Has an Increase in Unboxing and Collectible Toys made the Toy Market Less Playful?
Over on IG, did you see the launch of my weekly #liveplayfully challenges? Follow along with my simple challenges and let me know how you get on! Don’t forget to go claim your digital badge searching #liveplayfully in GIFs!
What I’ve been immersing myself in recently
Spongebob spotted in real life
clever designs to toy with and organize your kid's space
Optimal busyness: the psychology of why we work too much, even though it impacts our wellbeing
How To Fix Your Focus & Stop Procrastinating: Johann Hari
50 secrets to a perfect marriage
Rebel Wilson on Emotional Eating & Mental Health
Gardens: It's time to lose the plot and create a merry muddle of veg and flowers
Meet the playground designers sparking children's imaginations around the world
I have LOVED trying new things in the last two years, it’s sparked so much joy and happiness in my life. It far resembles me more as a child too, I used to be so active and sporty - bringing that back in to my life is helping me discover who I really am as a person again 🙌🏽
Holding on to this today:
‘But the person who is comfortable with being the fool is also the person who is comfortable with vulnerability, and I want that.’ 🙏