The Barbie movie is an open invitation for women to play more.
This movie has been a cultural moment sparking discussions around feminism. At the heart of that evolving conversation, I think we need to talk a lot more about women's playfulness.
I went to see the Barbie Movie in LA with my 9 year old girl and 13 year old son. We had a blast. It was silly and fun and a feast for the eyes. I personally could have done with even more humour, silliness and the campness turned up even more. I found the plot a bit bumpy, like a patchwork of many ideas clubbed together, rather than a clear through line story, but perhaps this could be considered reflective of kids’ imaginative storytelling. But whatever. It was a glorious bit of fun and whilst it skated mostly on the surface of the topics it sought to explore, it was enough. It’s Barbie not, well, Oppenheimer.
One of my favourite parts was Ken’s unravelling as he fell from his patriarchy perch that he’d made a point of climbing atop of. I think he spoke for us all when he confessed to losing interest in the patriarchy upon realising it wasn’t actually about horses. Yes Ken, we all did. More horses would have been great. Much better than oppressive men. But mostly I was drawn to the character of Gloria, a mother struggling with a moody adolescent daughter and the relentlessness of motherhood and adulting. She was seeking to stay connected to her playfulness and tap into her creativity and imagination. I thought this was a great capture and would have loved to have seen this theme explored even more. America Ferrera played this role brilliantly, and has been quoted in an interview making a stunning point about the availability of play to women versus men. She says;
“...men get to have their man caves and play their video games forever and for women it’s like put the toys away, do the chores and grow up”.
America describes Gloria’s character; a mother holding onto her childlike wonder and imagination as ‘counterculture’. When I heard this description I was excited, F!CK yes America! I loved that this message was going viral and being seen around the world by women because it’s not really talked about enough, especially in the context of motherhood. And she is right, it IS counterculture in this age of trying to compete in the parenting olympics and keep up with over scheduled living, to be a mother who values her own play, who explores her creativity and retains a sense of awe. It’s also really hard to find the energy and time. But it is important we learn more about it and find ways to get it back.
I agree that culture views men at play as more palatable. How many times have you heard someone describe a man as a ‘big kid’? Usually said with an accepting shrug and smile. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone describe a woman this way. Perhaps that’s because playfulness in the context of womanhood is seen as more infantile and frivolous. Go a layer deeper, and considering just how much is expected of women today, how impossible it has become to get anything right or meet any standard adequately, that a women who nurtures her imagination, indulges in her own joy, is in fact a waste of her time. For she, the mother, the woman, the modern female striving to ‘have it all’ must always, ALWAYS, be being productive. Mothers are often serious and anxious, collapsing under the mental load, why don’t we value the role of play and creativity more at this lifestage?
America concludes;
“...we can be a lot of things at once. We can be joyful and playful and imaginative and childlike and be a grown woman, professional, taken seriously”.
PREACH Amercia. Preach it in pink.
My daughter and I loved the whole aesthetic of the movie. We wanted to visit Barbie Land so much that I got us tickets to the Barbie experience in Santa Monica and we had so much fun taking pictures and saying ‘Hi Barbie!’ on all the sets. It made me ponder around the theme of ‘girliness’, how it is presented to kids and particularly how that feels when raising a daughter for a more equal world. When I first became a mother of a girl I felt empowered to raise her to be a strong independent girl, to know her own mind, to have inner strength and find her purpose in life and to see no gender boundaries in doing so. At this time I was well into my founder life, agency owner with a team of 15 and offices in London and New York. People would comment that I was a ‘super mum’ and say things like ‘I don’t know how you do it’. I struggled a bit with this because I was simply doing what I was capable of with the energy and creativity I had at the time - which was abundant and which I do not possess today. I also had a good support in my husband and am good at creatively coming up with ideas on how to design life. I had some good opportunities and didn’t mess about in pouncing on them. I found myself tumbling into an obsession to discover if it was possible to have it all and for a brief while there I really did make it. Until of course I shortly discovered the whole thing was entirely unsustainable, I got into a repeat cycle of burn out had some gnarly breakdowns and spent several years trying to work out how to get out of what I created for a life of freedom which now felt like a prison. But for a good chunk of Indy’s early years and my late 20s/early 30s I was deep in an empowerment bubble - my husband was a stay at home dad! I had an international agency! I was a homeowner, in London, at age 30! I had a great relationship with the kids! Life felt exciting! I was doing all the things! And alongside it all, I was completely caught up with everything that was happening in the women’s empowerment movement. I was surrounded by books and campaigns and amazing music from female artists and new role models who made me feel so hopeful. ‘Who run the world? Girls!’ Indy and I would sing together. But since seeing the Barbie Movie and thinking about how the kids and I connected on the more meaningful themes, but also the sheer joy of the aesthetic and general pink vibes, I wondered if during those early years of girl parenting if I made ‘girliness’ an unnecessary enemy, if I took the visible symbols of femininity and interpreted them as some kind of threat to the values I was trying to teach.
I belong to a generation of parents, mothers in particular, who want to raise kids to move the needle on equality. Gentle, empathetic boys, strong, independent girls, this is what many strive for, not all of course, but certainly a significant proportion. And as part of this mission, naturally a critical eye has been cast over children’s culture, we’ve scrutinised their characters, play things, clothing and books as we seek out tools to help support us complete this assignment. So we should, progress is important and we want to be surrounded by things which help embed important messages. The harsh borders of pink and blue in the toy aisle then increasingly have felt at odds with this teaching; segregated play things is not what we want, we just want them to like what they like and try everything right? The kids market, with it’s roots in 90s and 00s materialism has left a long legacy of gender specific marketing and design, more diversity is very much needed (and has slowly been happening). But somewhere along the lines I wonder if that critical eye has slightly missed the point. I can’t speak for anyone, so will only refer to where I’m at with all this and I do believe that I found pinkification or overt symbols of femininity a disappointing discovery when my daughter swooned after them. How could I proactively raise her to be part of a new wave of women whilst she’s dressed in a battery operated light up princess dress, putting on lipstick and playing with Barbies? This is where that niggling, persistent part of being human comes in, we see those things as being opposing forces when actually they can sit side by side very comfortably, I consider myself an example of that. Despite being fiercely independent, strong mentally and physically, I only really like wearing yellow based colours, pastel hues, love pampering and have just painted our dining area pink. In fact since softening from that intense bubble of trying to have it all and do all and focussing more on play and creativity I’ve actually found myself reconnecting with many aspects of being ‘girly’ that I perhaps subconsciously had absorbed that I needed to move away from. We must not underestimate our own teachings and influence on our children, just because their skirt is flashing it doesn’t mean they’re not soaking up the values. Flashing on the outside, glowing on the inside, it’s possible.
We all find things in stories and take away meanings that help us make sense of the world and for me the Barbie Movie did two things. It reconnected me with my original mission of starting Playful Den and dipping my toes into content creation, that of being a playful parent, or perhaps just a playful adult woman with responsibilities. How nurturing our own playfulness and staying in touch with your childlike self is a mindset so effective more people should be encouraged to learn how do it. It’s the single most effective tool I’ve accessed as a mother and it’s the thing that has propelled me to all the career successes I’ve had to date. Creativity and playfulness have helped me stay sane, bought me back from burn out, enabled me to find humour in the grind, connect with my kids on a level we can meet at and more than anything, allowed me to feel like I am a fully rounded person. I am mum and it’s my proudest title but I will always be Emma first and foremost and it is play that holds me true to that. Secondly, I took away a reshaped affection for all things which might be considered frivolously feminine. Girls are creative, imaginative and full of stories and even if they’re doing that with pink and bows it doesn’t mean it’s any less valid. I’m all for the encouragement of wider themes for girls, of course, but ultimately, if my girl finds her joy in ‘old skool’ girliness, well good, I’m here for it too. After all as America said, we really can be lots of things at once.