Summer of adventure starts here! A postcard from Miami
We've just kicked off an epic 8 week adventure and I want to talk about fun and parenting. I have a hunch our preoccupied with keeping kids entertained means we stop meeting our own fun needs.
Greetings from Miami! We have set sail (taken off?) for a big adventure exploring a bit of America and a lot of Central America. I have been daydreaming about this kind of trip since those hazy lockdown days doing circles around the garden and getting nervous about going for a walk on the harbour because it was a 25 min drive away and not 20 mins. Wow. Those were some seriously weird times. One of the things that keep me going during those times was to think about the idea of a ‘freedom credit’,, one that was building up for us all and one that I would be sure to cash in as soon I have the opportunity to do so.
So here we are, ‘living our best life’ as the internet calls it. Our first stop is Miami Beach, originally was not on the agenda, but British Airways cancelled our connecting flight to Panama a while back, and because I always try and find opportunities in f!ck ups I took it as a sign to keep the Miami flight and hang out here for a week before we head onto Costa Rica.
The trip over here was a shocker. Another cancelled BA flight meant we missed out on our first night here and then the replacement flight was diverted due to a storm (think BA just stands for Bad Airline these days, it used to be the best, no idea WTF is going on with them at the moment). I know these kinds of hellish stories put many off travelling (with kids), but not me. Its always worth it as painful as it can be. Once I slid into that sea and sat back watching the kids studying a big green lizard, airports, phone calls and travel stress all melted away in an instant.
I absolutely love family travel. It’s honestly where I feel most myself. I feel like I know what I’m doing even when I don’t, it’s hard to explain but I really thrive off it. It’s what I call ‘big play’ for me. Big play is what I call those moments in life where you’re in a suspended state of exploration and curiosity. It becomes a way of life rather than a fleeting moment. Big play can happen during chapters of work, personal projects and moments in life where you just feel… alive. Family travel does that for me. Not a short week to a hotel to sit by the pool, that’s something else, I’m talking about long multiple destination trips to new places. Anything over 2 weeks is my kind of trip. I love it all.
Of course, the usual aches and pains of family life don’t disappear, you take those with you, but the one thing we do have control over as parents is how we respond to all that and when I’m travelling I am notably more present, relaxed and… fun. Even when I’m taking work with me, I just feel so much more me and purposeful.
So much so I find myself sometimes quite emotional when I travel with the kids (although crying is basically my life as a woman in her 40s with a high sense of self and gratitude. Ben is constantly like - omg are you ‘peri peris’??!). I feel like I get to see the kids properly. Our kids are blessed with a safe, loving life. They are privileged. But like most of us they’re also trapped in the systems of how the world works. Neither of them are ‘school-y’ and despite a nice school life I can see it grinds them down, Phoenix especially. They have been raised as free spirited creatives and then I’ve put them in a creative void, I realise that must be hard. When we go away I feel like Phoenix returns to himself. The anxiety and school-ness leaves him a bit more everyday and then… there he is. Gorgeous, charming, funny, creative, inquisitive. He’s the kid I get to spend the least time with these days and its very special to be able to travel with him. He also comes out with all these memories from previous trips we’ve done. We land somewhere new and - boom!- a part of his mind opens up. It makes me emotional because since having Scout, that time when Phoenix was an only child, and then when we were a foursome, is a distant chapter that can be hard to access. And yet, its not so much about being able to remember everything, but realising that we literally are our experiences. We take them with us, they are physically etched into us. And when he travels, I see it so clearly.
People love to offer all sorts of opinions when you travel with kids. It’s such a bizarre thing, here’s some comments I’ve had in the past…
OMG you must be absolutely loaded
You are brave
I’m waiting until my kids can remember things until I do anything like that
Do you not want to just go somewhere a bit closer?
I am not brave. I am not ‘loaded’ (though granted I have worked to get into this position because adventures have been top of my life goals list, but I’m also good at budgeting, getting deals and side hustling!). And to the point about kids not remembering things, well as I just said our experiences live in us. I also think this shows how we prioritse the joy of kids over parents. We all hope and strive to make childhood enjoyable and memorable for them, but there is also parenthood, that counts too, they are not mutually exclusive. Fun and enjoyment flows between them. Parenthood is ours to enjoy too and kids love it when we do. Travelling choices are very personal, a bit like how you dress or anything else, we don’t all like the same things. Play personality has a massive role in this, when we travel we want to be at play all the time and environment (and people) are the biggest conductors to play, so not all kinds of experiences and places are going to appeal to the same people.
As today’s generation of parents, I think we’re great at knowing our kids' needs. I actually don’t think parents get themselves enough credit for that, I do feel like I belong to a generation of parents who really ‘see’ their kids. We want to connect with them emotionally, and we want to ‘get things right’. We’re ambitious about our parenting (for better and for worse) and we want the best for our kids in what is a very unpredictable world. Yikes, it’s hard! But I suspect we sometimes we do all of that at the expense of developing our own identities and honouring our values. I think we try and fill up our kids so much we drain ourselves. We manufacture fun within an inch for them that we don’t leave any for us.
I have learned a lot about travelling as a mum and I’ve designed this trip specifically to be a ‘slow travel’ trip. Yes it’s about seeing things and experiencing places, but more than that it’s about being present and deeply observing my kids and connecting with what I see. Not just ticking boxes and taking photos whilst we do. It’s also about them witnessing in real time me putting dreams into action and refusing to settle for anything less. I have always had an ‘anything is possible’ attitude and I hope it rubs off on them in some way. I organised for our house to be rented out and spent that budget on renting a house in Costa Rica, switching the beaches of Dorset for the jungles of Central America. We have that place for 4 straight weeks and although there will be a lot to see and do, my plan is to have a base where we can also just be. To find a routine, take yoga classes, surf lessons, spot birds, swim and play board games. I’ve done those trips where you rush around always on the go, and they’re not for me. I get it though, when you spend a lot of money going to a place there’s a pressure and pull to do certain things - why? Mainly the answer to that is because other people will think you’ve missed out. Or you are fearful of regret. But to really enter into a life of play, you have to be so alert to these kinds of external pressures because if your fun is not self-motivated, it’s never play! When people share memories of their travel experiences, for sure, the big highlights are there, but when you dig in, so often it’s those times when someone did something funny or a kid found a random tree to climb and spent an hour on it or you found the cutest place to walk to pick up fresh bread every morning. It’s the small, slow everyday things, but doing them in a new place which makes them magical. So that’s the goal of this trip.
Everyday magic.
Love from Miami,
Emma x
Rylan’s Podcast - How to be a man
As a mum of 2 boys and a girl I’ve always felt more confident about what I’m doing with my daughter. Perhaps it’s because I am a woman myself, but I also suspect it’s because in the wake of the women’s empowerment movement I feel like boys have got lost on the way. So I enjoyed this exploration of masculinity from different view points as I navigate supporting my boys to both celebrate their boyhood and be part of a hopeful evolution of men.
Ok so I would say I prefer the feel and experience of the OG balloons, but these don’t leave tiny colourful condoms all over the grass and we have to move on with our waste in play right?! They are also fun for little ones to just play with in a large bucket, a good innovation I reckon and worth adding to your play kit.
Cards Against Humanity - Written by Kids
As a brand and biz lady in the play space I’ve really enjoyed watching the Cards Against Humanity brand evolve. These add on packs caught my eye and I loved this pack - nothing like a dose of kids’ curiosity to invoke your inner child and tempt out for some playtime!
If you didn’t know, I have been a brand and business consultant my whole career. I usually work with global brands but love supporting independent businesses too. Whilst I’m working remotely I’m opening up a few spaces to work with me directly, so if you fancy spending time with me and having a creative sparring partner have a butchers at my new services! Go along to my website to read about the services and how to sign up.
If you’re a People Who Play podcast fan - WE ARE SORRY! We are missing you too. We do have our recording gear here and I promise there will be travel pods at some point. We’re not sticking to a schedule but subscribe and look at for new episodes as they come.
If you want to listen to more play chat, I recently collaborated on the Let’s Talk Toddlers podcast with LEGO - the most recent episodes covers the much heated topic of screen time and it’s role in the early years.
Emma x
Loved reading this! Especially the section where you talk about Phoenix and how he is so much more playful outside of school, we're struggling with this currently! Look forward to reading the next one!
I loved this article so much, it really resonated. Thank you