Some space to live differently is shaking out some questions I refuse to ignore
It's week three of the trip and my imagination has gone into overdrive. In a good way.
We’re at the end of the third week of the trip. If you’ve ever taken a period of extended time away, week three, I believe is the start of the ‘uns’. (Perhaps you even experienced something similar in lockdown? Between losing the will to live that is)
Unschooling.
Unbusying.
Unmental loading.
Unstressing.
Unobsessing.
It takes a while to get into a holiday. At least it does for me. I have a google map of a mind that has thoughts whizzing up and down looking for deadends, shortcuts or just out for a joyride. It takes a while to re-route it; to figure out how it can breathe in response to the new stimuli it’s been giving. To clear it out of some of the paths not needed for a while. With all change there comes some mental filing and in this particular case, it’s a pleasant exercise.
I booked us one villa for four weeks here on the Nicoya Peninsula in Costa Rica. I wanted to reach a point in this stay where our surroundings would become simultaneously novel and familiar. We have reached that point and with it, boredom has started to drift our way. When we hear the boredom we assume the worst, but this boredom is most welcome and a good thing, I invite it right in. We have a lot of down time, because there is no budget for continuous activities which carry a tourist price tag. Our villa is one of a small group all set in jungly gardens around a communal pool. A new family have been here for a week from Canada. Chatting to the mum when I said we were here for a month she paused and then asked ‘what do you guys do here all day for a month?’. I found it an interesting question and was reminded that even in the most stunning place, parents still fear boredom. It is hard for many to sit with. She was flustered at the time as her teenage son had gotten his phone trapped in the safe.
The town is small and if you’re not into the beach and nature maybe some families might struggle after a couple of days of doing that. For me I can’t get enough.
What are we doing?
Phoenix goes back and forth to the skate park. Indy joins me on nature hike mornings. Scout swims for hours. We rent surfboards and get in the waves. Ben has got back into skateboarding. Indy and I have a shell collection. We read. There are new episodes of Bluey out. Phoenix got his art pens out today. We taught Scout to play Exploding Kittens. We drive around in our golf buggy. I cook. I work some mornings. I do yoga. Ben runs (I have no idea how in this heat).
I feel no pressure to see all the things and we’re challenging ourselves to have lots of days where we spend no money (this is not a cheap destination). Every time we walk around there’s always a new plant, insect or animal to find, I’m taking it all in. We are experiencing a magical combination of enough novelty and adventure to feel inspired and energised but increasing levels of familiarity to feel comfort and everyday living. And my imagination is having the time of it’s life with these opposing forces.
Travelling has always been a highly imaginative experience for me, I think it’s why I crave it, I love how my mind feels when I’m travelling. The google map mind reroutes to reveal all kinds of ‘destination possibles’ and provocative questions, thoughts and ideas flow readily through my mind.
I will start sharing them with you in these posts during the trip if you like? I feel I have surplus dreamer energy at the moment and am happy to pass some on to whoever needs a dose.
Creativity itself has been the subject of my mapping this week. I am aware I have an excess of it and a strong skillset here. I find it effortless to come up with ideas - products, brands, stories, characters, businesses, I’m not saying they’re always great solutions, but I do seem to have an endless supply of creative thinking and a unique way of looking at things. I started to consider the impact on my trajectory of undervaluing or not fully owning my creativity. It took me way too long to see myself as creative and recognise this in myself. Those old ‘I can’t draw’ lingering associations cut deep despite being entirely irrelevant to the types of creative spaces I was interested in and working in.
Throughout my career I have applied my creativity predominantly within the confines of the corporate world. Here, I have been able to find a way to leverage my skills and be paid for it. And I have no regrets there because that direction was born from necessity. Ben and I began our life together with not a lot between us, and through a combination of my creativity, willingness to learn how to build a business and a lot of growth, we’ve ended up expanding that life to one that is layered, colourful, exciting, comfortable and…fun.
A couple of years ago, I exited my first business which serviced global brands in the corporate world. I was craving novelty in my work surroundings after reaching a high level of expertise and wanted to drop management responsibilities, something I recognised I was good at but found hard to do alongside parenting. I got stuck and dived into many things. It was a great time for experimentation. But it was also very scary not having a regular salary. The corporate world lulled me back because it was comfortable; I know how it works, I am known in it, and it was the only place I believed valued my experience and creativity. And so I developed new services, upskilled on my subject of passion, play and in doing so, I scratched a creative itch. I am really enjoying this phase of work. I have clients I genuinely enjoy working with, can afford the lifestyle we built up and I can work flexibly with no management responsibilities. Tick, tick, tick.
But I also know that this pivot I refer to is actually more ‘pivotish’. This week I allowed something deep inside me to have a voice. My creativity that wants to be explored full. I think the feeling I have is one of unfilled creative potential. And so with the space to think and my imagination in overdrive I played around this thought: if I could leave a creative mark on the world, express myself in some form, what would that be? If there were no limits to time and ability, what would I invest my time in?
Coincidentally I have been reading the book, Beginners by Tom Vandervalt, which speaks to the power of learning in adulthood and the magic of being a novice at something. In the book Tom sets out to explore the significance of the beginner mind and learns to sing and surf. It’s been an energising read whilst I’ve been churning over the realisation that at some point in my life, I don’t think it will be soom, but I know it needs to happen, is that I want to be able to step further away from the corporate world (of which I know I am institutionalised in) and hold my own as a creative, working not on making someone else's vision come to life but to have my own creative endeavors bought to life and out in the world.
When I thought about what would I would like to explore more deeply with my creativity, every time I came back to writing. Writing is pure play for me. After I do it, I get something similar to a post exercise dopamine hit. And inspired by the Beginners book it dawned on me that I’ve never actually pursued trying to learn to write, to challenge myself to get better at it.
I had been on a path to write a book about play, this would of course be a logical step for me to pool my knowledge and create a piece of writing that ties together my philosophy, but given my love of writing and this yearning to dive into a creative project, I started to wonder about why I hadn’t got as far in that project as I am capable of. I believe it’s because my gut is telling me to reach further. That whilst it’s not an unappealing option, it’s not the scratch I need for the particular creative itch I have been burying. It’s still in the ‘pivotish’ zone and my imagination led me toward a signpost that read: stop being so bloody ‘corporate’ about what to do with your creativity. It is true. I was thinking too ‘career’ about my writing and I need to instead put it at the heart of my play.
To my delight I followed the signpost, curious of lands that lay ahead and landed on a creative spark that I could not get out of my head. It just jumped right up. So far away from writing a book about play. So far away from anything I’ve done before. Something that is so far out of my experience and comfort zone I have no other choice than to approach it for play purposes only because I have no clue what I’m doing. And that feels absolutely perfect. This idea has completely consumed me and filled up my belly with fizzy energy.
And so with a few clicks on my laptop and my creative soul doing cartwheels and screaming ‘she’s finally getting it, she going to finally unleash us!, I start a screenwriting course in October.
Emma x
Emma this is so exciting! I find some interesting parallels between you and my husband - he has a very data-driven mind and corporate job but is also constantly distracted by the flow of new ideas, some of which are related to his work but many of which are for screenplays. I bought him a "write a screenplay in 90 days" book to try to motivate him to write one down but honestly I think he gets bored well before the "delivery" of his ideas as he gains very little satisfaction from finishing tasks in general (we have a lot of started DIY projects around our home!). I love seeing your ideas come to fruition - or at least publicly discussed. Can't wait to hear more.
PS. I did a degree called English & Creative Arts, which included a module in screenwriting. I absolutely loved it. Enjoy!
Have you read “Playing Big” by Tara Mohr? It’s all about stepping into your full potential and this really reminds me of the distinction she makes between Pachad (the irrational fear of the unknown, which holds you back) and Yirah (the space we inhabit when we play bigger than we have before or tap deep into what we discover we really want to do). Anyway, I recommend it.