5 things podcasting with my husband taught me about relationships
I can’t really remember when or why Ben and I started podcasting. It certainly wasn’t anything we spoke at lengths about or considered in any depth. But somehow we’re still at it and I think we will be for some time. When we went travelling last summer we paused our episodes and decided not to pick them back up. It’s a lot of work, particularly on Ben’s side as he edits them all himself (better than most pods out there I should also completely unbiasedly add. He adds sound effects and removes any waffle, he’s really skilled at editing even though he annoyingly thinks anyone can do what he does, I think differently he has a great eye (and ear) for making things feel fun and engaging. After we’d had a break for a while we realised we missed doing it. Scheduling these recorded conversations, meant scheduling our time together and it was good time, playtime, completely undistracted and focussed conversation. With the mics on there is no opportunity for any whining or admin related drivel to interrupt the chat, we are there to be a bit deep, a bit funny and a bit provocative - all the ingredients of satisfying chat.
We enjoy sharing a bit of ‘us’ with our audience, it’s always been really meaningful when we’ve received encouragement. Recording the pod may not have started out with any big vision, but it’s taught me a lot about our big vision for our relationship. I think it’s normal to want something the best bits of your childhood for your own kids mixed with new ideas and different experiences. Ben and I both have divorced parents and whilst that’s not a cue to get out a tiny violin (we’d rather have happy separated parents than miserable together parents), we do dream about having fun, healthy relationships we can experience together with the kids as adults. I hope the kids always look forward to coming home. I want to be the mum who feels like a home. I want to be non judgemental and ask them all the questions about their life in a positively curious way and really try and understand them. I want to be able to chat to them about the world and their interests, a wide range of topics that interest us both. I want to still play games and be silly and for them to continue to see me as a person with dreams and interests and things to teach them. More than anything, I really hope they ask for help. That will be my biggest honour to help them. And so long as things stay good, I really want to all of this alongside Ben.
So I wanted to write down these 5 things I’ve learned from doing the podcast together that have helped me to keep opening my eyes to what really matters and what’s possible.
You’ve got to stop talking about boring stuff all the time
Seriously. This. It’s so easy in a family to slip into a functional group of people shuffling from one place to the other. The pod gave us the space to bring all our interests and curiosities into one time slot and it’s been joyous to have this time. Because it’s recorded and there’s a third party in the chat - the audience, this also changes the dynamic. You can’t slip into anything too boring because it’s meant to be entertainment! If we stop the pod again I’ll certainly be thinking about how to recreate this type of conversation more regularly!
There’s always more to learn about a person
I sometimes refer to my marriage as a ‘lifelong study of a man called Ben’. And it’s not a bad way to approach things. I think people are so interesting and most of us have so many layers to peel we don’t even know about. I try and stay curious about his quirks and behaviours, some of which are hard for me to understand so I try and step back and take a neutral, almost scientific study of what the heck is going on. Lol. On the pod we often talk about how we approach things differently in a lighthearted way and it’s truly been very insightful, I think it’s given us a playful way of identifying our different strengths and weaknesses.
Shared laughter is as important as sex (and often leads to it)
Another hill I’d die on. Laughing together has some kind of magical quality doesn’t it? It’s kind of crazy how it effects mood, energy and relationship. Ben and I have always managed to retain a playfulness to our time together and it’s the first thing we worry about when it falls away, life gets immediately more stressful. Perhaps there’s something to be said for designated silly time together.
Phones are probably destroying couples
I’m no relationship expert but I can imagine this must be true all over the world. We all have stuff to do on them and I don’t believe in being together every bit of downtime we have but I can really vouch that there is something to be said for increasing the eye contact time and undistracted connection.
It’s nice to see each other ‘do their thing’
My work has always been centred on thought leadership, big ideas, public speaking and so on and Ben’s has been on film, editing and nerdy pop culture. We both bring a bit of that to the mix in the making of the pod and it’s really nice to show one another those strengths and mix them together. We often joke about me being too deep and Ben being too surface (true on both counts), and there’s something really grounding that’s happened in bringing humour and almost over exaggerating those roles through the podcast - I suppose it’s a bit like playing with our characters that we bring to the family.
If you’d like to join us once a week every Wednesday (humpback camel podcast day) then sign up and become a subscriber! I only have one option, it’s £3.50 a month or £26 for the year.